WonderFULLconflicts: 10 facts that everyone should know about Conflict Management!

Yes conflicts are just Wonderful and WonderFULL!

As long as there is conflict there is hope – Daniele Novara



Photo without graphic by Mark Freeth


  1. There is no change without conflict. And change is necessary, it is evolution, it is nature and should be embraced.
  2. Neglected/hidden conflicts are very dangerous for any kind of human relationships.  They become a tumor in relationships. They cause such a big frustration and bad energy that sooner or later will burst like a bomb most probably becoming irreversible and non-resolvable.
  3. Obsessively looking for peace can be misleading. Like Ronald Reagan said: “Peace is not the absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means”, I think there is a big linguistical misconception. At the end of the conflict we shouldn’t expect to “make peace” or find a solution. You cannot go back to the same level or position of before, embrace the fact that something change. It is ok, it is natural and let it flow. 
  4. Conflict doesn’t have anything to do with war, on the contrary it has everything to do with opportunity.
  5. In every conflict you may discover more about yourself, you can improve your awareness skills about your feelings, your hit nerves and your needs. You are improving your emotional tolerance and sustainability!
  6. Thanks to conflicts your relationship (with a partner, with a friend, a family member or a collegue) is growing. You are learning more about that person and you are negotiating about the future of that relationship. Learning more about the frame that a person is using to read a situation it may even be considered pure strategy!
  7. It’s way harder to stay in the conflict that ignoring it, I know it, but it’s totally worth it! I promise you!
  8. Learning how to read conflicts and how to deal with them it should be considered as the skill number one for any kind of job and educational path!
  9. Along the way you may need empathy. Everybody needs empathy to survive! Learning how to put yourself in someone’s elses shoes it could be very useful!
  10. Learning how to give feedback has a lot to do with conflicts. Starting from working on the difference between an observation and an evaluation; passing by the good judgment techniques of making a proper advocacy and inquiry statement not forgetting about the proper dose of curiosity.


Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.  – James Baldwin


The Chinese symbol for conflict combines two Chinese characters. One character denotes danger and the other opportunity. Conflict contains both of these elements. Too often the focus of conflict is on danger and people fail to see the opportunities hidden within the conflict. But if conflict is effectively managed, it can provide some positive productive opportunities.


Here some questions you may want to work on:

  1. Do you like conflicts?
  2. Do you currently have conflicts in your life?
  3. What is the first memory you have about conflicts? Why did it happened? who intervened? How was resolved? How did you feel?
  4. Do you see patterns in your recents conflicts?
  5. What are your dangerous nerves that nobody should hit?
  6. If two of your friends are in a conflict what do you do?
  7. What is the best way to resolve a conflict?
  8. Why do you think people fear and avoid the conflicts?
  9. Which one was your favorite conflict and why?
  10. How do you usually react inside of a conflict?

If you want to learn more about it or discuss with me some of this questions, don’t hesitate to register for a one to one session with me at martina.pavone@gmail.com 

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